I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
