How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Me too!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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