No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My bed smells like the plague
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
