I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
