Where is the hickey?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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