Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's shark week go big or go home
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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