Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
