im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
