ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
