I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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