I looked at my own cervix.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
