I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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