I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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