She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
