She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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