One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
