By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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