it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
