yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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