Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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