Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
