I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
