$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
