You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
