things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize