So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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