He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Green mimosas i think yes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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