i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
