I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
