Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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