We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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