im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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