Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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