Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize