3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
