A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I won the penis lottery.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
