Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
