I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
