theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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