I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
