my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
