Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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