I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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