i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
