I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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