yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
