May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
