Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize