if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
