So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
