The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
