a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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