Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
