I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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