She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize