How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
