just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
