Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
