apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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