I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
