before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
