No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
