living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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