i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
