If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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