seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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