i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
